


Lois and Clark to the Rescue!

by callmeonetrack



Category: Smallville
Genre: Caper Fic, F/M, Humor, Kissing, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 12:50:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9385985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmeonetrack/pseuds/callmeonetrack
Summary: When Chloe goes missing, Lois and Clark's search for her takes them to a surprising destination.





	1. Rescue Mission

“What the heck do you want?” Lois hissed.

Clark flicked a glance at the guy sitting across from her at the Talon’s most private corner booth. He was blond and practically had prep school refugee stamped on his forehead. There was a look in his eyes though that hinted at darker things. He would’ve stopped to muse on Lois’s crappy taste in men if the situation hadn’t been so dire.

Still, there was no point in being impolite. He grabbed Lois’s shoulder, “Can I talk to you a moment?” Before she could answer, he yanked her up and through the door to the kitchen.

“Woah. I know you have issues with my love life, Smallville, but this... this MANHANDLING is a little much even for you!” Lois was flushed with indignation and Clark couldn’t help but notice her skin had a rosy tint that reached all the way down to the deep v of her tank top.

Clark shook his head, raising his eyes to her face again. Thankfully, Lois was looking back at the booth and her new trust fund baby boyfriend. What the hell was wrong with him? Since when did he check out Lois’s… anything? Although there was that one time when she’d opened the shower door … Clark frowned, refusing to follow that train of thought. He had more important things to think about now anyway.

“We don’t have time for the usual witty banter, Lois. Chloe’s missing.”

“She’s probably just working late at the paper.”

“I checked there and her dorm room too. She’s nowhere to be found and she left her cell phone on her desk. Chloe never goes anywhere without it. Did she say anything to you about going somewhere?”

Lois folded her arms and sighed in exasperation, although Clark thought he saw a little hesitation in her eyes. “Okay, so maybe she’s out with Jimmy. On a date. I know you’re not that familiar with our quaint little mating rituals, hermit boy, but some of us do like to indulge in some healthy interaction with the opposite sex now and again rather than just mooning over pictures of our exes. And if you’re done panicking now, I’d really like to get back to mine…” She turned back towards the table.

Clark glared at her and carefully tightened his grip on her arm. “I talked to Jimmy. He hasn’t seen Chloe in hours. I’m telling you, Lois, she’s in trouble.” He gulped. “Near her phone, I found…blood. A lot of blood.” 

Lois’s irritation instantly changed over to fear. “Oh no.”

“I looked at her computer and the last site she visited was for some company called Rytex Industries. Their headquarters are in Metropolis. You think she might have went there on her own?”

She cocked an eyebrow at him. It was exactly like Chloe to go muddling into some dangerous situation with no backup in pursuit of a clue or a story.

Clark nodded. “Right, of course she did.”

Lois jiggled her foot nervously, “Clark, Metropolis is three hours away. What if she’s…?”

“No! No. She’s going to be fine. Go back to your date, I’m going to find her.”

She looked at him like he just ate a brain tumor for breakfast. “Uh, not without me.”

Before he could protest, Lois dashed back over to the booth and grabbed her purse, she dropped a quick kiss on her date’s cheek and muttered a few words of explanation, then strode back over to him.

Great. How was he going to use his super-speed now? If he didn’t, they might not reach Chloe in time. There had been a lot of blood.

“What are you waiting for, Smallville?” Lois was already at the front door. “We need to go!”

Quickly he caught up with her and grabbed her hand again, tugging her around the corner to the alley beside the Talon. Clark scanned his brain to come up with some plausible way to pull this off.

“Why are we standing in the alleyway? Clark, what part of “go” didn’t you understand? The G or the –oh!” Lois squeaked as he slapped a hand across her mouth. Irrationally, she was distracted by the fact that his palm was really warm and Clark had rather long fingers.

“Could you keep it down please? I’m trying to—Wait!” Lois watched as he shoved his other hand into the front pocket of his jeans. She was sorely tempted to make a crack about how she really hoped he wasn’t trying to play a game of pocket pool just now, but it would lose its effect with the muffling. She was just about to sink her teeth into his hand, when he pulled it away and yanked something out of his pocket at the same time.

“A bottlecap? You dragged me over here to show me a bottlecap? Next you’re probably going to tell me you’ve got a collection you’d like to show me up in your loft.” Lois snorted.

“It’s not a bottlecap.” Clark ground out, praying for inspiration. “It’s a…a portkey.”

“A what now?”

“Chloe got it from one of the meteor freaks we caught. It transports you really quickly to a new location.” He looked at her skeptical face and thought, _Come on Lois, buy it_.

“But what the…”

“Look, do you want to stand here and argue or do you want to find Chloe? Close your eyes.” She looked skeptical. “Just do it. It won’t work otherwise.”

“Fine, but if this is some sort of cheap trick to cop a …” Lois closed her eyes and Clark swooped down to pick her up and started running. He reached the Rytex headquarters loading dock before she finished her sentence and set her down on the ground.

“We’re here.”

Lois opened her eyes and blinked. “Color me impressed. That really wasn’t a bottlecap.” She turned to Clark and looked at him quizzically. He realized he still had an arm wrapped around her waist and quickly dropped it to his side. She smirked at him and opened her mouth to speak, but Clark had heard enough.

“Let’s go.” He headed for the big bay door without waiting to see if she was following. The small bit of distance gave him enough time to snap the padlock off in his hand and slide it open. He walked in and stopped short. A second later Lois thudded into his back. "Hey, you wanna watch..." The retort died on her tongue as she stepped out from behind him and looked around the large warehouse floor. "Holy crap, Smallville. What kind of place is this?"


	2. Toys are Fun!

As Clark looked around the large open space, his jaw dropped. The immense room was a workshop of some kind, tables and benches cluttering the area.

That wasn’t surprising.

What was surprising were the objects strewn over those tables and benches. 

Sex toys, as far as the eye could see.

Every instrument of pleasure known to man (and a few unknown to Clark at least) was on display here. A wide array of leather harnesses and whips hung along one wall. Oversized feathers and vibrators of all sizes, colors and textures spilled off metal shelving units. Mannequins of both sexes ringed the room decked out in the skimpiest getups of lace and nylon. 

Clark was still adjusting to the shocking site, when he heard a low whistle over his shoulder. Lois stepped up beside him, squinting to read a banner that hung on the far wall. “Rytex Industries…Your pleasure is our pleasure.” She smirked. “By the looks of this little den of iniquity, they aren’t kidding.” 

Without sparing a glance at him, she walked over to a nearby table and tossed off over her shoulder, “Close your mouth, Clark. You’re catching flies.”

Lois looked with amusement at the offerings before her. She picked up a sleek riding crop and swished it, smacking against the table. Clark nearly jumped at the loud cracking noise that echoed in the cavernous room.

“I don’t think you should be touching this stuff, Lois.” 

She whirled, her eyes narrowing predatorily as she looked at him. “C’mon Smallville, I know you’ve got the whole innocent farmboy gig down, but you’re not afraid of a few little sex toys are you?” 

She laid the riding crop down and picked up a ridiculously massive rubber dildo and waggled it at him for emphasis as she stalked closer to him. She stopped just inches away, leaning in so close he could feel the heat of her breath on his cheek. “Maybe you’re worried all this stimulation’s gonna go to your brain huh?” Her gaze flicked down over his body once then quickly back up and she tilted her head, smiling like the cat who ate a canary. “Or maybe someplace a little lower?” 

Patience all but evaporated, Clark grabbed the offensive rubber penis out of her hand, trying not to shudder at how lifelike it felt, and gripped Lois’s elbow as he dragged her back towards the table. He spied a ball gag out of the corner of his eye, and considered the merits of using it on her. But picturing that satisfying sight led to more dangerous territory as Clark realized he could all too easily picture her in the scraps of red spandex stretched on the nearest mannequin. Clark gulped and closed his eyes, willing his body temperature down, as the threat of his heat vision flaring up would no doubt cause a raging inferno thanks to the many flammable materials in this room.

Lois was watching him with a weird expression when he opened his eyes. He cleared his throat and spoke quickly. “Look we need to stop messing around with this stuff and find Chloe. She could—” Clark cut off abruptly as his supersonic hearing picked up the sound of footfalls coming their way. “Someone’s coming! Come on.” 

Clark tugged her back with him towards a small louvered door in the wall behind one of the shelving units. He shoved her inside and slipped in after her, shutting the door behind them. Unfortunately, their new hiding space was built for brooms not humans, and the close quarters left them little room to maneuver. Lois swore and tried to shove against him in an effort to get more space but her elbow hit the wall, which just made her swear louder.He trapped her with his arms so she’d stop moving and said, “Shh! Hey, shh. He’s coming.” 

She glared at him but she stopped struggling and in the silence as they waited for the security guard to pass by, Clark realized he was minding the close quarters a lot less than he should be. Lois’s hands were splayed against his chest, her elbows bumping his ribs. Her hips were flush with his and he realized he could feel every curve of her somewhat amazing body pressing into him as she inhaled.He caught her eyes and they just stared at each other. Then Lois leaned forward and broke the moment, whispering menacingly, “Kent, that better not be you happy to see me pressing into my thigh.”

He blushed but leaned back a bit and slid his hand into his jeans pocket, pulling out the forgotten dildo and waving it at her.Lois blinked and bit her lip and her shoulders started to shake as she choked back her laughter. Clark snuck a peek through the slits in the doorway and saw the coast was clear.

They stumbled out of the closet and Clark felt relieved that he could breathe normally again. Lois threw the dildo on the table and quickly inspected the other items there.She chanced a look at Clark but he was looking towards the other end of the room and she quickly grabbed an item and shoved it into her jacket pocket. Those could come in very handy later, Lois thought. 

“Fun as this field trip has been, are you sure this little pleasure palace is where my cousin’s being held?” She looked around, shaking her head. “It's not your usual criminal mastermind's hideout.”

Clark frowned. He wasn’t sure at all, and he was just about to say so, when a blood-curdling shriek rent the air. 

He tensed and Lois turned pale. “That’s Chloe! Come on!” She raced for the doors, Clark hard on her heels.


	3. Leave it to Lois!

Clark raced down the hall, quickly overtaking Lois in his efforts to find his best friend.He barreled through a set of swinging doors and stopped short. Clark barely felt Lois bang into him as he stared at the lab table before him where Chloe was strapped down.

Blood was dripping from the table and when Clark rushed over to the small blonde’s inert form he saw a deep gash on her forehead. Chloe was unconscious. He snapped the metal cuffs off her wrists and ankles and was just bending to gather her up in his arms, when he heard the unmistakable click of a gun being cocked.

“Lift her off that table and this one gets a nice chunk of metal buried in her skull.” Clark straightened and whirled to find a swarthy little man with one arm tight around Lois’s neck and the other stretched upwards (the guy was really quite short, Clark realized absentmindedly) to push the gun into Lois’s temple.

Clark raised his hands and stepped forward slowly. “Hey, look, no one needs to get hurt here alright? Just put the gun down.”

The man sneered at him. “You think you’re in charge here, kid? I’m giving the orders.” He wobbled a little on his toes, the arm stretching up to reach Lois’s head swaying a bit. Clark saw Lois roll her eyes. She met his gaze and jerked her head slightly and widened her eyes. She looked expectantly at Clark but he wasn’t sure what she wanted him to do. 

“Look, we don’t want anything from you. You can jus t let us all go and we’ll forget we ever even saw this place.”

“You’re not going anywhere. I can’t let the two of you go now and she’s the key to it all. We need her,” he said, nodding towards Chloe.“I heard she’s got ‘abilities.’” He practically spit out the last word. “She’s gonna heal Mr. Rytex and then--”

Clark frowned, completely tuning out the man’s explanation of how and why Chloe was so essential . If he’d heard one plan for world domination, he’d heard them all. Clark thought hard. He couldn’t use any of his powers and risk revealing his secret to Lois. But, he thought, twisting back for another glimpse of Chloe slumped on the table, his friend needed him. She could die if he didn’t get her to a hospital soon. He was still processing his thoughts when he heard Lois sigh. Loudly.

He looked up to see her batting her eyes at the stocky little gunman.She was smiling now and damned if the guy didn’t look dazzled. (In his weaker moments, Clark could admit to being a little dazzled himself by Lois on occasion. When she turned on the charm and forgot to act like the annoying little chiuahuahua who wouldn’t stop gnawing on your ankle.) Whatever she was up to now, it seemed to be working like a charm on her captor.

Clark watched as she made nice with the guy, babbling nonstop until his arm loosened and dropped from around her neck, then shifting around so she could run a hand through the guy’s stringy hair. The move made him drop his gun hand momentarily and that was all Lois needed. She grabbed the guys hair with both hands and bent him forward, while bringing her knee up and smashing it into his face. The gunman fell and the weapon clattered out of his hand. Lois moved quickly, kicking it in Clark’s direction. “Wanna stop gawking and lend a hand here Smallville?” 

He picked up the gun and shoved it into his jacket to deal with later. Clark jogged over to Lois and helped her pull the unconscious man into a sitting position against a wall. Reaching into her back pocket, Lois pulled something out and grabbed the man’s arm. Clark heard a click and looked up to find a pair of furry electric pink handcuffs tethering the villain to a nearby steampipe. He raised an eyebrow at Lois and she grinned. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” She shook her head. “Too bad too. I’d already thought of about a dozen really creative uses for those.” 

Stepping away from the gunman, they moved back over to the table and Clark lifted Chloe again. “We’ve gotta get her to a hospital Lois, I don’t like the look of this cut.” 

Lois looked nervous for a moment but her expression changed to one of resolve. “She’s tough stock. It runs in the family. She’s going to be alright.” But the last was said in a tone that clearly marked it as more of a question than an answer.

Lois cut in front and held the door open for them to pass through. He caught her frowning at him. “Hey, why is it that evening’s out with you always end in terror and bloodshed? Honestly Smallville, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you were some kind of super secret agent instead of just a farmboy from Kansas.”

Clark almost smiled. “Yeah well, you’re conveniently forgetting that you always seem to be there too whenever there’s mayhem involved. Nights out with you haven’t exactly been all picnics and roses, Lois.”

She shrugged and snorted. “Now you sound like my last boyfriend.” They reached the end of the corridor and crossed back into the sex toy workshop. Thankfully, there was no sign of the security guard they’d seen earlier. He must have been patrolling the other side of the building by now.Still, it wouldn’t be long before their prisoner would wake up and start screaming for security.

Clark hefted Chloe a little higher on his chest and walked more quickly to the loading bay door they’d entered from.He looked down at his friend and frowned. She was still out and white as a sheet. He wished he could ditch Lois and just run with her to the hospital, but…Clark paused and looked around. Where was Lois anyway?

She walked out of the shadows surrounding a nearby work bench and Clark saw her quickly stuff some concoction of leather and latex into her pocket.He glared at her. 

“What?! I do have to make it up to my date for running out on him after all.” He shook his head and she sighed. “ Don’t get your shorts in a twist just because some of us welcome a little sexual deviance now and again.” She stalked in front of him and out the door to the parking lot. “Face it, Smallville, you could use a little adventure in your life.” 

Clark groaned as he slid into the car and let Lois drive them towards the medical center. Somehow, he doubted his life would ever lack adventure as long as Lois Lane was around. 

The End


End file.
